A Journey Through a Broken Body
Chapter 1- The Backstory
Ever since one of the first football games, I have been fighting a battle. A battle that I didn’t choose. A battle inside my body. I don’t know everything about it yet. I have only been to the doctor twice as of now. They don’t know what it is. I don’t think they really care about finding out. They don’t seem too adamant on making follow up appointments or trying new tests. So where did this begin? Why am I always sick? Why doesn’t anyone want to help me? I am in the marching band. During one of our first football games, I had- what we call now- an episode. Basically, I was walking to the band room and I was disassociating, ( I think that's the word). When I was walking, I would be at the light pole one second and then-then next second I was in the grass, five feet ahead. During this, I couldn’t understand speech or talk to anyone. When it was time to put our jackets up, I couldn’t find my number. I knew people were talking to me but I couldn’t understand them. I was the last one to leave the band room. I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening to my body. I walked back to the stands to get ready to play. My mom stopped me and said,
“ You know Trisha is here and she is sitting on the grass there. I looked at her very confused. I muttered the words
“ I can’t right now,” and walked away. I went and sat down in the stands. There were not many band kids in the stands at the moment. I put my head down on my flute, unable to breathe well. I was confused and in a haze. I couldn’t play when our band director called a song. I felt so helpless, scared, and embarrassed. I didn’t know what was going on. When we were finally done, I got to my mom’s car and she was asking me loads of questions about what was going on. I tried to answer them as best as I could, but I was tired and still a little hazy. The next Monday, we had practice. I came in the band room and my band director asks:
“ What was going on Friday?” he said.
“ Nothing, I’m fine.” I said.
“You’re lying, what was going on?”
I pretended to be fine when I knew that something went wrong that night.
The next week we had an away game. During half time we were eating. I got my chips and water and sat back down. When I had finished, I stood up to throw away my trash, but I got this weird feeling and sat back down. I started my timer and didn’t play. Fear and isolation entrapped me. I was scared because I didn’t know what was happening, and I felt alone in the battle that I didn’t know was this long.
I went to the doctor soon after this. I had written all the important information down on a piece of paper. I left school for the doctor's appointment. When I got there, my mom tried to explain it based on what I told her. I tried to fill in the little details. The first thing she said came to mind was seizures. I froze, I was shocked. “Could it be a seizure?” I thought to myself. The doctor made me “hyperventilate” by blowing on a tissue for a while. When I stopped to take a breath, she saw something. I felt something. My eyes dilated. The doctor ordered an EEG which is basically a seizure test. She also ordered blood work, just to rule some things out. After the appointment was over, we sent an email to my band director explaining what was going on and what the doctor said I needed to do. I went back to school. The rest of the day I was thinking about that doctor's appointment. I was confused. I had questions. I wanted to find out what it was.
After school, I had marching band practice. I got changed, set up, and started warming up when I heard the Botchie, the band director, call my name.
“ Leah! Come to my office.” I was scared. I thought I was in trouble. I walked to the door and sat down in a chair.
“Yes?” I said.
“ What is this email about?” He asked concerningly.
“ Remember a few Friday’s ago when you kept asking me what was going on?”
“Yeah.” He said trying to remember.
“That’s why I went to the doctor,” I explained everything that happened.
“If you need to sit down or something, you just let me know.” He said with a gentle voice. I went out and we started practice. From this point forward, I wasn’t alone in my battle. Nor did I know what was going to happen in the future.
Ever since one of the first football games, I have been fighting a battle. A battle that I didn’t choose. A battle inside my body. I don’t know everything about it yet. I have only been to the doctor twice as of now. They don’t know what it is. I don’t think they really care about finding out. They don’t seem too adamant on making follow up appointments or trying new tests. So where did this begin? Why am I always sick? Why doesn’t anyone want to help me? I am in the marching band. During one of our first football games, I had- what we call now- an episode. Basically, I was walking to the band room and I was disassociating, ( I think that's the word). When I was walking, I would be at the light pole one second and then-then next second I was in the grass, five feet ahead. During this, I couldn’t understand speech or talk to anyone. When it was time to put our jackets up, I couldn’t find my number. I knew people were talking to me but I couldn’t understand them. I was the last one to leave the band room. I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening to my body. I walked back to the stands to get ready to play. My mom stopped me and said,
“ You know Trisha is here and she is sitting on the grass there. I looked at her very confused. I muttered the words
“ I can’t right now,” and walked away. I went and sat down in the stands. There were not many band kids in the stands at the moment. I put my head down on my flute, unable to breathe well. I was confused and in a haze. I couldn’t play when our band director called a song. I felt so helpless, scared, and embarrassed. I didn’t know what was going on. When we were finally done, I got to my mom’s car and she was asking me loads of questions about what was going on. I tried to answer them as best as I could, but I was tired and still a little hazy. The next Monday, we had practice. I came in the band room and my band director asks:
“ What was going on Friday?” he said.
“ Nothing, I’m fine.” I said.
“You’re lying, what was going on?”
I pretended to be fine when I knew that something went wrong that night.
The next week we had an away game. During half time we were eating. I got my chips and water and sat back down. When I had finished, I stood up to throw away my trash, but I got this weird feeling and sat back down. I started my timer and didn’t play. Fear and isolation entrapped me. I was scared because I didn’t know what was happening, and I felt alone in the battle that I didn’t know was this long.
I went to the doctor soon after this. I had written all the important information down on a piece of paper. I left school for the doctor's appointment. When I got there, my mom tried to explain it based on what I told her. I tried to fill in the little details. The first thing she said came to mind was seizures. I froze, I was shocked. “Could it be a seizure?” I thought to myself. The doctor made me “hyperventilate” by blowing on a tissue for a while. When I stopped to take a breath, she saw something. I felt something. My eyes dilated. The doctor ordered an EEG which is basically a seizure test. She also ordered blood work, just to rule some things out. After the appointment was over, we sent an email to my band director explaining what was going on and what the doctor said I needed to do. I went back to school. The rest of the day I was thinking about that doctor's appointment. I was confused. I had questions. I wanted to find out what it was.
After school, I had marching band practice. I got changed, set up, and started warming up when I heard the Botchie, the band director, call my name.
“ Leah! Come to my office.” I was scared. I thought I was in trouble. I walked to the door and sat down in a chair.
“Yes?” I said.
“ What is this email about?” He asked concerningly.
“ Remember a few Friday’s ago when you kept asking me what was going on?”
“Yeah.” He said trying to remember.
“That’s why I went to the doctor,” I explained everything that happened.
“If you need to sit down or something, you just let me know.” He said with a gentle voice. I went out and we started practice. From this point forward, I wasn’t alone in my battle. Nor did I know what was going to happen in the future.